


With the Cost Not Counted

by havocthecat



Series: Not Left Behind [2]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, F/F, Femslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-30
Updated: 2007-05-30
Packaged: 2017-10-02 12:27:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havocthecat/pseuds/havocthecat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"I never knew you were interested in women," said Elizabeth quietly. She drew her knees up to her chest, and let her hands rest on them. "I started thinking about it after you left, and I realized that I know nothing about you that's not in your personnel file."</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	With the Cost Not Counted

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://community.livejournal.com/havocs_cry/11975.html) on LJ.
> 
> 1\. [This Grave Procession](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6308)  
> 2\. With the Cost Not Counted

Kate sipped at her wine, then held the glass lightly in one hand and swiveled her stool so she could lean back against the bar. She scanned the crowd, then tilted her head, blonde curls falling softly against her pale yellow shirt. Elizabeth was sitting at a table, a mostly empty bottle of beer in front of her. She was staring down at the bottle, slightly bored, one elbow propped on the table, and her chin cupped in her hand. With the other hand, she slid one finger down the neck of the bottle, then flicked the moisture onto the table.

"Oh, boy," murmured Kate softly, draining the rest of her glass and setting it down on the bar. Elizabeth was wearing a snug pair of jeans, a red shirt that clung more than any shirt ever had back on Atlantis, and a brown leather jacket that made the outfit. Elizabeth was still staring at the bottle, gaze unfocused, as Kate stood and walked slowly to Elizabeth's table, then leaned on the back of the empty chair. "Didn't expect to see you here."

Elizabeth's head darted up, and her eyes widened. "Kate!" she said, leaning back in her seat. "I, uh--"

Kate used her most comforting smile. Thank God that Elizabeth had never been her patient. "I figured that you'd be busy for a while."

She shook her head. "No, I just needed to get out."

"I know what you mean. It's a little claustrophobic." Kate glanced out the window, in the direction of the SGC. "I had to get away myself. So can I buy you another drink?"

"Oh, I--" Elizabeth shifted, glanced at a man walking back from the bar, two bottles in hand. "I'm here with someone."

Kate straightened, holding back a sigh with a wry twist of her mouth. "Never mind, then." She stepped back and reached in her pocket to grip her keys. Well. "I'm sure I'll see you around some time," she said. As she walked out, she turned her head back, tossing a quick wave at Elizabeth, who was looking up at the man. He was handing her a drink and grinning at her.

"Stupid, Kate. That was really stupid," she hissed as she opened her car. She tossed her purse in and sat, rubbing one thumb over the imprint of her keys marked on her palm. "Just because she's not your boss any more doesn't mean she's _interested_."

***

"Just a minute," called Kate, grabbing her wallet out of her purse and hurrying toward the door. She opened the door, propping it open with her hip as she rifled through her cash. "What's the total again?"

"Total?"

Kate's hand flew up to the towel on her hair as she stared at Elizabeth. "I ordered Indian," she said. "What are you doing here?"

Elizabeth stood just outside the doorway, her hands twisting together once, before dropping them to her sides. "I thought--"

"Come on in," said Kate, stepping off to the side. She didn't want to know. "The place is a mess."

"Mine isn't any better," said Elizabeth, looking around and moving to let Kate close the door behind her. She laughed hollowly. "In fact, I think it's worse."

"I need to--" Kate picked up a pile of journals off the sofa and dumped them onto her coffee table. "I'll be back in a minute." She fled to the bathroom, and spent ten minutes trying to dry her hair enough that it would look presentable.

***

"You dyed your hair," said Elizabeth, staring, as Kate walked out. "Why red?"

Kate shrugged as she sat down in an arm chair perpendicular to the sofa. "I went to the drug store on the way home," she said. "I decided it was time for a change."

"It's very different," she said.

Kate's laugh was sharp. "Everything is very different right now. I never thought I'd hate Earth so much."

"You too?" Elizabeth slumped back into Kate's sofa. "Is it normal--"

"Oh, God, Elizabeth," said Kate, scrubbing her hand across her eyes. "Please. I can't take the thought of dispensing one more piece of psychological advice about culture shock right now."

"They've been keeping you busy," said Elizabeth. "Why did you offer to buy me a drink? We've never socialized."

"I thought," said Kate, wishing she didn't look quite so _tired_, and that her hair wasn't hanging damply against her shirt, "that you might have been interested. Or that you looked lonely. Or something. It doesn't matter; I hadn't realized you were on a date."

" I never knew you were interested in women," said Elizabeth quietly. She drew her knees up to her chest, and let her hands rest on them. "I started thinking about it after you left, and I realized that I know nothing about you that's not in your personnel file."

"No one wants to know about the person they're supposed to tell their insecurities to," said Kate.

"Don't do that," said Elizabeth. "You're hiding behind a professional facade."

"I don't have anything else right now," said Kate. "I had very few friends on Atlantis, and now most of them are here, the others I may never see again, and everyone expects me to be all right so they have someone to freak out to."

"I never realized--" began Elizabeth.

"I never wanted you to," said Kate. She shifted to sit cross-legged in the chair. "I knew what I was doing when I signed on with the expedition, Elizabeth. I can handle the loneliness."

"You shouldn't have to," said Elizabeth quietly.

"Neither should you," said Kate. "But your social circle on Atlantis was very small."

"Can we not talk about Atlantis?" asked Elizabeth. "Surely it's not the only thing we have in common."

"I'm not sure if there's much else," said Kate wryly. "We can try to find out. I promise not to hit on you again."

"That would be a shame," said Elizabeth.

Kate looked at her sharply. "Elizabeth?" She shoved her hands through her hair, pushing it back behind her ears.

"I am interested in women," said Elizabeth, looking down, then back up to meet Kate's eyes. "Or, rather, I'm interested in you. I haven't been interested in a woman in years, but I'd like to get to know you better."

"Is that why you went back to the SGC to look up my address?" asked Kate, trying to hold back a smile.

Elizabeth nodded, then looked down at the floor. "I haven't talked to anyone from Atlantis since we came back," she said.

"I have a job at the SGC," said Kate. "I've seen just about everyone."

"Don't tell me about them," said Elizabeth, looking back up at Kate. "Tell me about you."

***

Kate opened her laptop and sat down at her desk, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. She'd been deemed essential to the expedition, and sent back to Atlantis via the 'gate, where she'd started a grueling round of interviews combined with therapy sessions. Mr. Woolsey had been easy to corner, though his tendency to ramble, not to mention his choice of subjects, had made things awkward. Trying to get anything from General O'Neill was like trying to squeeze water from a stone, and she'd had to use every trick in the book - and some that weren't - during his interview.

Colonel Sheppard used to be that bad, before she'd gotten to know him. He'd shown up with dessert stolen from the kitchen, and she'd managed to slip through his defenses again. He grinned wryly, and she knew then he trusted her enough to let her slip through. Kate had cornered Ronon at the firing range, offered him beef jerky - never let it be said she couldn't steal a good idea - and then started talking. At least with Carson and Rodney, all she'd had to do was get a timer, and make encouraging noises when it was appropriate, and Teyla's interview had been conducted before she hit play on one of the DVDs brought back from Earth.

Elizabeth kept finding excuses to reschedule their appointments. Later, she'd tried to interview Elizabeth in her office, but one thing after another had come up. Kate was beginning to suspect that Elizabeth and Chuck had worked out a system for getting people out of Elizabeth's office fast.

Kate had finally given up, and sent an e-mail to Elizabeth telling her that if she didn't show at their next scheduled time, Kate would be forced to recommend that Elizabeth be removed from active duty until she completed the psychological assessments.

The door slid open, and Elizabeth stepped inside. As soon as it clicked shut, she stalked over to Kate's desk and leaned on it. "What the _hell_ do you think you're doing, issuing that kind of ultimatum?" she snapped.

Kate stood and looked at Elizabeth. "I understand that you're trying to end this relationship gracefully, Elizabeth," she said, as neutrally as she could manage. "If we had another therapist on Atlantis, I'd recommend that you see them, but since we don't, let's be professional long enough to get through this."

"End it?" Elizabeth shook her head and straightened. "Kate, I've been very busy, and--"

"Don't. It was a very nice time, you're glad I enjoyed myself, you did too, but now that you're back on Atlantis, you can't afford any distractions." Kate closed her eyes and counted to ten, then opened them again. "I've been broken up with before."

"You don't want to talk about our relationship?" asked Elizabeth, flinching back.

"Whether I want to or not, it seems you don't," said Kate shortly. "The fact that I had to threaten you in order to get you to stop avoiding me made that more than clear."

"That wasn't what I wanted," said Elizabeth, "but the IOA is demanding a great deal of my time, not to mention everything that has to be done to recall Atlantis' personnel."

"The Asurans already tried to kill you once," said Kate. She turned away and went to lean against the window, turning so she could see the ocean out of the corner of her eye and also face Elizabeth. "I was upset enough by that, and we barely knew each other then. How do you think I felt about you having put yourself in their path now?"

Elizabeth moved to stare at Kate. " I don't know how to do this." She twisted her hands together, then stilled again; she took a deep breath and walked to stand in front of the window. "I don't know how to lead this expedition and be your lover."

"I should've gone to your quarters the first night I came back to Atlantis," said Kate. She let her head fall softly against the window. "We should've talked about this right away. All of this--us, the IOA, the fact that I think I'm falling in love with you. The IOA wants me to assess your fitness to remain in command of the expedition."

"What are you going to tell them?" asked Elizabeth. Her eyes barely widened, and she stepped forward. "Wait, you're falling in love with me?"

"I am. It's terrifying." Kate knew Elizabeth could see that in her expression. "I don't know what I'm going to tell the IOA. I have to do this assessment and find a way to remain objective. It's getting harder to do that when it concerns you, but I don't want to let them know about us. If there is an us."

"There is," said Elizabeth softly. "I don't know what we're going to do, or how we're going to manage it, but there is an us."

Kate reached out to wrap her hand around Elizabeth's. "Okay," she said, nodding. "Then we have a lot to talk about. A lot to figure out."

"We do," said Elizabeth. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," said Kate.

"We can do this," said Elizabeth, her mouth softening with a smile. "We're two incredibly accomplished women with multiple degrees. This should be easy, right?"

Kate chuckled. "I think this is the hard part," she said, squeezing Elizabeth's hand harder. "I used to do couples therapy, remember? But I think I'm okay with the hard part. You?"

Elizabeth nodded. "More than okay with it." She leaned back to study Kate's face, then moved forward quickly, her mouth finding Kate's as her arms slid around Kate's body. Kate's hands cupped Elizabeth's face as their kiss ended, and they pulled back to watch each other in silence.

\--end--


End file.
